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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24182731">somewhere to belong</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitouma/pseuds/kitouma'>kitouma</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Mythology, M/M, gratuitous blending of myths, miya twins as castor and pollux</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:35:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,089</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24182731</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitouma/pseuds/kitouma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>There's a flicker of something mischievous in the gold of his eyes. It's the first time Rintarou has really wanted to keep something alive. </p>
</blockquote>Or, an underworld ferryman and the upstart immortal trying to win back his brother.
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>329</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>somewhere to belong</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>General blanket warning: discussions of death, but nothing graphic. I mean, it's set in the underworld, so. </p>
<p>I haven't finished a fic in years but this one really wouldn't let me go.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>So this is how it starts:<br/><br/>Rintarou’s first clue that this trip will be a bit unorthodox is the passenger’s face. Granted, it’s a nice face, perhaps even handsome if he’s being honest. He’s never felt comfortable judging people by first glance anyway; in this realm, nothing is as it seems and underestimating someone is the surest way to find yourself in some danger or another.<br/><br/>No, the problem is that someone with the exact same face had been ferried through here only a short time before.<br/><br/>Rintarou isn’t a fool. He likes to keep afloat of whatever tomfoolery or scandal is happening in and around him - always useful to have a few ‘favours’ he can cash in - and the affairs of the Olympians are half the entertainment he has down here. He knows what happens when the gods interfere in human affairs. He knows exactly who this man is from the otherworldly gold of his eyes.<br/><br/>Osamu. He is immortal. His brother is not.<br/><br/>There is only one way their fate can go.<br/><br/>“Please take me across the river,” Osamu says, tone polite. The coin he holds out is polished to an immaculate shine. An unfair trade, Rintarou thinks. One coin for a life sentence. He takes it and waves him in anyway.<br/><br/>“Ground rules,” Rintarou says as his passenger settles, “all transactions are final. Don’t try to touch the water unless you want expedited travel straight to your nineties. And remember, this is a one way trip. No turning back.”<br/><br/><em>No turning back</em>, the river echoes. People don’t come back from the Underworld. It’s the one constant in all the stories.<br/><br/>Osamu’s gaze flickers to the fog-covered river, then back up to Rintarou. “Right.”<br/><br/>The deal is made and Rintarou gently kicks off from the shore, something like dread fluttering uncomfortably just behind his rib cage. He’d thought he could pretend this was just another trip, but the air around them seems to thrum just by virtue of existing around Osamu’s invasive life force. This is not a place for the living, and it is impossible to ignore.<br/><br/>It’s Rintarou’s first time ferrying the living, but it is far from the first time the living have tried to outsmart the Underworld. A musician searching for his wife, killed on their wedding day. A demigod seeking the hand of the goddess of the Underworld. Countless more whispering prayers and pouring libations in the hopes of their loved ones’ return. But he knows exactly what happened to those people, and he knows exactly what he’s delivering Osamu into.<br/><br/>The rules of life and death are indiscriminate, and Rintarou has known that since his conception. What is the point of this guilt, this sympathy? If a passenger pays him to doom themselves forever, what is he supposed to do about it?<br/><br/>“So, Tsumu’s already been through here, right?” Osamu says suddenly, interrupting Rintarou’s private spiralling.<br/><br/>The answer is <em>yes</em>, Atsumu has definitely already passed through and he knows because Aran had complained about having to ferry him with a fervour Rintarou has never before seen in him. He closes his eyes and thanks every god he remembers that he’d gotten the politer twin.<br/><br/>“Yer face says it all,” Osamu laughs and Rintarou opens an eye to watch him lean against the side, an aching fondness in his voice as he continues, “that’s Tsumu for ya. Raising hell even in actual hell.”<br/><br/>It’s a nice laugh. He finds himself grinning along.<br/><br/>“Don’t you try anything funny on my boat, or I’ll make you row.”<br/><br/>“Wouldn’t do that. I’m an angel.”<br/><br/>Rintarou does not believe him.<br/><br/>Osamu holds onto the side and looks back at the shore retreating behind them, only barely visible through the thick mist. “You guys ever think to make that entrance easier to find? How’re all these souls meant to get here?”<br/><br/>“We don’t typically expect guests,” Rintarou replies drily. “Anyway, they all seem to make it here just fine. We have gods for that too.”<br/><br/>“A bit like you, right?” There’s a shift in Osamu’s tone and Rintarou takes a sharp breath. “You live here. You’d know th’ way to Kita’s palace.”<br/><br/>There is only one way this fate can go. Rintarou had known this question would come eventually.<br/><br/>“Lord Kita is rarely in the palace,” he deflects carefully, keeping his gaze aimed down at the murky water. “He’s made it his personal mission to tend the Elysian Fields. Or check up on the Hall of Judgment. That guy is everywhere.”<br/><br/>Before Osamu can call him out on it, Rintarou whips around and shoves the oar handles at him. “Ferrying is hard work. Help me out a bit.”<br/><br/>Osamu mutters something suspiciously like “tyrant” but makes no further complaints, which Rintarou isn’t sure he’s happy about. Would it be easier to do this if Osamu were bratty, sneering? Could he justify that position?<br/><br/><em>Give up on this</em>, he should tell him. Death is final and people don’t come back.<br/><br/>He doesn’t say it.<br/><br/>The quiet proves to be too much and he shuffles around to fiddle with the lantern instead, shining brightly amidst the gloom. Perhaps if he stares at it enough, the light will arrange itself in a way that will help him navigate this heartbreak.<br/><br/>“Tsumu’s always been good at getting into trouble,” Osamu says behind him, softer this time. “Figured I’d take ‘im off yer hands. Poor Kita doesn’t deserve that.”<br/><br/>Rintarou knows bluster when he hears it. “Lord Kita probably has more patience than all the spirits here combined.”<br/><br/>A laugh. “That’s true.” A pause. “So you really won’t tell me where to find ‘im?”<br/><br/>Deflect deflect. “Well you went through all the trouble of coming down here. I thought you’d already have a plan.”<br/><br/>“I’ll figure it out. Bribe ‘em, smile nicely, maybe throw a punch somewhere.”<br/><br/>There’s a flicker of something mischievous in the gold of his eyes. It’s the first time Rintarou has really wanted to keep something alive.<br/><br/><em>No turning back.</em><br/><br/>“Look, if you really want to bring your brother back, remember this. Never stray from the path. Don’t eat anything that is offered to you.” Osamu makes a face at that one; <em>big eater</em>, Rintarou’s memory supplies. “Spirits lie just as they do in life, but you can trust the ones who dance the rites of the Mysteries - they will show you the way. Above all, when you reach the palace, do not approach the throne of the King. Instead, bow and clasp the knees of the Lady Queen and ask for her audience.”<br/><br/>He takes a breath. For a moment, the world feels like it has shifted.<br/><br/>Osamu blinks once, then twice, hands stilled on the handle of the oar. “You’re chattier than I expected.”<br/><br/>“I could say the same for you. Keep rowing.”<br/><br/>And Osamu does, but his eyes never leave Rintarou’s. <em>Smile nicely</em>, indeed; with eyes like those, it would probably be a perfectly viable negotiation strategy. On the other hand, such a phenomenon might just be too bright for the Underworld and he’d be smote immediately-<br/><br/><em>Nope nope disengage disengage-</em><br/><br/>That’s dangerous territory. Entire cities have fallen on words like those, he knows.<br/><br/>There’s just something in Osamu that makes Rintarou think <em>maybe</em>. The Wine God had been able to lead his mother back to Olympus. Another of the Sky God’s sons had brought up Cerberus. <em>Maybe, just maybe.</em><br/><br/>They’re still just watching each other. Rintarou coughs awkwardly and reaches out to take back the oars. “Here, I’ll take the last stretch. You’re going to steer us into the Lethe or something.”<br/><br/>That fragile atmosphere dissipates, and Osamu goes back to staring out at the far shore, which is finally coming into view. They reach the shore without incident and Rintarou holds the boat steady as his passenger disembarks.<br/><br/>“Thanks,” Osamu says, stretching his arms and legs out. Rintarou pointedly keeps his gaze straight ahead. “For the ride, an’ the advice.”<br/><br/>“It’s the job.” Neither of them acknowledge that it isn’t, not really; or maybe it’s just Rintarou denying it because to do otherwise is to accept that he’s been trying to save a dead man walking.<br/><br/>Osamu extends his hand and Rintarou hesitates. He is of the Underworld after all, what if his hands are too cold, or ghastly? What if he takes it and it feels wrong - or worse, what if it doesn’t?<br/><br/>He must hesitate a moment too long because Osamu raises an eyebrow at him. “Somethin’ wrong?”<br/><br/>Rintarou shoves his anxieties down deep and takes the proffered hand, offering what he hopes is a casual smile. “Not at all.”<br/><br/>It’s warm, almost excruciatingly so, burning not with heat but with the strength of an inextinguishable life force. They shake hands, formal and brisk. Osamu doesn’t linger. Rintarou isn’t sure he wants him to.<br/><br/>“See you,” Osamu says before he turns and the mist claims him.<br/><br/>Just like that, the encounter is over and he should be returning to the other side to pick up his next spirit. It’s simple. It’s his job.<br/><br/>So why can’t he bring himself to go?<br/><br/>One encounter out of millions. It probably won’t be the last time he rows a living person - humans are both interestingly determined and worryingly lacking in self-preservation. He pushes off the shore again, lets himself drift back to the near shore. On these rivers, people are constantly coming and going; it is not his luxury to stand still and hope the world will let him catch up.<br/><br/>Rintarou doesn’t realise how much he’s been worrying until the chill that announces Lady Kiyoko’s arrival rushes over the Acheron, two figures trailing behind her, and he sags in relief. He watches the party board Aran’s boat in the distance - at the bend, where the river is widest.<br/><br/>So. He’d succeeded after all.<br/><br/>“Well done, hero,” Rintarou murmurs, resting on his oar. He finds himself a little disappointed which, apart from being a bit twisted, shouldn’t be the case. Osamu will lead his brother back to the living world and Rintarou will continue to ferry people to their final rest. The world will return to normal and there’ll be no more gold-eyed upstarts in his boat. Simple, really.<br/><br/><em>No turning back</em> the river whispers, and maybe it’s a promise because from here, it almost looks like Osamu is watching him.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p><br/><br/>“Why are you here again.”<br/><br/>Rintarou plants his oar into the dirt and stares down the man before him, who just gives him a half-shrug without even the decency to feign sheepishness.<br/><br/>“Tsumu’s up there, so now I’m down here,” Osamu says and then just clambers into the boat like that’s all the explanation necessary.<br/><br/><em>“What.“</em><br/><br/>“Ah I forgot the coin. Can I pay ya back next time?”<br/><br/>“Next ti- now just hold on a moment. What are you talking about? I thought you got your brother back?”<br/><br/>“Yeah, he’s doing Kiyoko’s test right now. Has to stay in the human realm for three days without talkin’ to anyone. He better pass it or I’ll send him back down here myself.”<br/><br/>Rintarou just stares. Blinks. Decides this is too much to absorb while standing up and flops down into the boat as well. “So then...?”<br/><br/>“So now I’m here instead.”<br/><br/>Osamu’s expression doesn’t change, eyes no-nonsense and mouth neutral. Rintarou just starts rowing because he needs something familiar to anchor himself to while he processes this.<br/><br/>Osamu brought Atsumu up from the Underworld. Atsumu has to stay above for three days. While he’s there, Osamu has to stay down here. Osamu is immortal. Atsumu is not. The gods are tricky and nothing comes without a price.<br/><br/>Oh.<br/><br/>“You’re giving him your immortality.” The words feel tight in his throat.<br/><br/>“Sharing. If he passes, we’ll hafta spend alternatin’ days down here.” Osamu says it like he’s recounting a mildly interesting market anecdote and not like he’s just given up half his soul to keep his brother alive. He gives the boat a cursory glance. “Maybe I’ll just stay here and help you row th’ boat.”<br/><br/>Something sharp twists in Rintarou’s chest.<br/><br/>Around them, the river howls with the clamour of countless restless souls. It’s dark, it’s cold. They can barely make out anything through the thick, cloying mist. Beyond the murky shore, only endless drifting awaits.<br/><br/>Rintarou can’t understand it. Who would ever choose to come down here over Olympus? Who would make that covenant over this river, feared even by the gods, final and ever bounding?<br/><br/>“Are you... sure about this?”<br/><br/>“Well now that you say it, there’s food in Elysium but not here...”<br/><br/>“That’s not- I meant Atsumu. You won’t even see each other.”<br/><br/>“Oh, now that’s the dream.”<br/><br/>His nonchalance, their easy banter, the weak tendrils of friendship are all too much to process. <em>How?,</em> he thinks, breathes, tastes on the tip of his tongue and along every nerve set cautiously aflame. <em>How can I-?</em><br/><br/>He grips the oars so tightly they begin to carve grooves into his skin. “You’re giving up too much. He’s a mortal.”<br/><br/>Somehow, the air seems to get even colder. Osamu’s face walls off. “He’s my brother.” He turns away and fixes his gaze firmly on the approaching shoreline.<br/><br/>Knowing he’s made some form of mistake, Rintarou doesn’t attempt to pick the conversation back up and just rows faster, needs to escape this now now <em>now</em>. Osamu jumps out before he’s even properly docked the boat and bows his head quickly before taking off.<br/><br/><em>How?</em> Rintarou almost calls out after him, <em>how can you just give someone forever like that?</em><br/><br/>But he doesn’t say it and Osamu‘s back retreats further into the darkness until it’s like he was never there at all.<br/><br/></p>
<hr/>
<p><br/><br/>Time passes.<br/><br/>It’s difficult to tell the days apart in the Underworld, so Rintarou isn’t sure whether Osamu is still in Elysium - dancing, singing? Not thinking about Rintarou? - or if the three-day deadline is long past. He hasn’t seen Osamu on the shore since the last time, and none of the other ferrymen have said anything but.<br/><br/>But.<br/><br/>“You look worn out,” Aran tells him, clapping a warm hand on his shoulder. “Maybe you should take a break, in case you end up drowning someone.”<br/><br/>Aran phrases it like a suggestion but Rintarou knows he’ll come back with that disappointed-parent-look soon enough, so he takes the hint and strolls along the river instead. From the Acheron flows the Styx, and from the Styx flows the Lethe. Sorrow, hatred and oblivion. Departed spirits passed over the first two to reach the fields, and the reincarnated drank from the Lethe before they returned to the surface. Souls, constantly cycling in and out, loving and losing and returning all over again.<br/><br/>It all seems so impossibly exhausting.<br/><br/>“Oh, Rin? Rin! It is you!”<br/><br/>Speak of the devil.<br/><br/>Rintarou quickens his pace to join the other man. His friend withdraws from the side of the Lethe, the finery lining his deep purple robe clinking softly as he straightens up. This person has been through the cycle a few times already; a poet, a king, an Olympian, something new and exciting every time. His name keeps changing too but if Rintarou remembers correctly-<br/><br/>“It’s Tooru this time, right? Oikawa Tooru?”<br/><br/>Tooru-this-time flashes him a grin. “Got it in one. I like it, actually. I hope I’ll get to keep it this time.”<br/><br/>Right. The Lethe. “You’re going again, huh? You know you’re just going to forget your name once you drink that water?”<br/><br/>“That’s absolutely besides the point, Rin Rin,” Tooru says, flapping his hand dismissively. He looks up and down at Rintarou, seemingly reassessing the situation. “Actually, what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be zipping around in your little boat right now?”<br/><br/>Rintarou stares him down with the most judgmental face he can muster. “It’s complicated.”<br/><br/>“Well!” Tooru plants his hands on his hips and gives Rintarou an infuriating smile in return. “Tell me about it.”<br/><br/>Tell him? Tell him what? He’d pissed off a demigod and made Aran worry, but he’s immortal. In a few thousand years, all of this will fade and he can forget it ever happened. The Underworld is certainly big enough that he and Osamu will never see each other again.<br/><br/>Is that something he’s okay with?<br/><br/>“Rin,” Tooru says, gently now. “I’m literally going to forget this in like ten minutes. What do you have to lose?”<br/><br/>It’s a fair point. Rintarou concedes.<br/><br/>“I upset someone,” he says slowly, “and I don’t know what to do about it.”<br/><br/>Tooru makes an exaggerated thinking gesture that makes Rintarou want to slap him. “Oh? Is that all?” He smiles. “You sure there’s nothing else?”<br/><br/>“Of course not,” he lies. He doesn’t know to talk about it, about their trip, gold eyes, a desperate hope and a lifeline. <em>There are people in this world who love like it’s second nature, and I’m not one of them but-!</em><br/><br/>He looks at Tooru, at his shining robes and gold finery, at his brown eyes and knowing smile and the injury he knows is hidden underneath his cloak. “Well I’m not human, but it seems like a pretty rough deal. Why do you keep going back?”<br/><br/>Tooru doesn’t miss a beat when he answers, “Because in life, I am free. And there are people that I want to meet again. You say you don’t understand because you aren’t human? Well, let me lay it out for you.” Tooru presses a hand over his chest. “We fear. Death above all, we fear, even when it’s not our own. You don’t understand, Rin, and that’s because you are afraid of holding on, but we are afraid of letting go.”<br/><br/>With that, Tooru squats back down to the river, waving Rintarou away. “I’ve got places to be and lives to live so I’ll leave you with that. Oh, and Rin,” and the look Tooru gives him is absolutely wicked, “bring him food if you really want to make it up to him.”<br/><br/></p>
<hr/>
<p><br/><br/>“You’re pretty gloomy even for a demon, ain’tcha? Or whatever you are. A boatman. A death boatman.”<br/><br/>Rintarou has never identified so acutely with Aran until this moment.<br/><br/>“I shouldn’t have stopped you from touching the water,” he mumbles, “should’ve just let you shrivel up and be done with it.”<br/><br/>Atsumu tries to kick him, misses, and smacks his foot against the seat instead. “<em>Bastard</em>- is that any way to treat yer passengers? Don’t ya have a boater’s code or something?”<br/><br/>“It might just be you. I can see why you got stabbed.”<br/><br/>“They were threatened by how brilliant I am. No one’s comin’ to stab Samu for his cooking or whatever.”<br/><br/>“Yeah, he has enough brain cells to know that isn’t a compliment.”<br/><br/>“Oh fuck off.”<br/><br/>Rintarou had relieved Aran of Atsumu-fetching duty in hopes of... something. A revelation, perhaps. New understanding. He tries to resolve the twin sitting on the boat with the one that’ll be leaving Elysium. Atsumu has his arms crossed and is staring pointedly out into the mist, expression indignant. Gold is in his hair but not in his eyes. Rintarou doesn’t get it.<br/><br/>“Samu’s the stupid one,” Atsumu speaks up suddenly. His words are slow and his gaze distant, like he’s not even fully aware he’s saying it. “He’s the one giving up Olympus for one mortal.”<br/><br/>Something cold settles in the base of Rintarou’s throat. How long had Atsumu been thinking about it? <em>If your positions were reversed</em>, he thinks, <em>would you have...?</em> No, no he isn’t going think about this, it’s unfair. Suddenly unable to look at Atsumu anymore, he looks out onto the river.<br/><br/>There’s someone waiting at the far shore.<br/><br/>“With that loud mouth, he probably heard you,” Rintarou says, hating the gravelly wobble in his voice.<br/><br/>Atsumu doesn’t seem to notice though, whipping his head around to look before his face settles on an emotion Rintarou doesn’t know how to describe. “Look at him, just waitin’ around for us. So lame.”<br/><br/>Rintarou bites back a comment on how Atsumu had been doing the exact same thing when he’d been picked up, instead focusing on pulling them safely up to the shoreline. He docks a reasonable distance away from where Osamu is waiting, which he tells himself is so that the twins can speak privately and not because he isn’t ready to confront him yet.<br/><br/>Atsumu hops out of the boat without even a glance back, runs to leap at his brother, who catches him and proceeds to dump him straight back onto the ground. The twins’ chatter carries right back to the boat, loud and indecipherable. Rintarou watches Atsumu cuff Osamu’s shoulder, watches Osamu hit him back and then leave his hand there, resting lightly on his twin’s shoulder.<br/><br/>Of course. He’s been a fool to think he could understand without the whole picture, without seeing them together.<br/><br/><em>We are afraid of letting go.</em><br/><br/>Eventually, Atsumu leaves and Osamu straightens up, still gazing into the mist like his brother will rematerialise from the grey. Rintarou quietly shifts the boat closer for when he is ready.<br/><br/>Neither of them speak as Osamu steps in.<br/><br/>He has a tendency of doing things in half-measures but he won’t be someone who refuses to even try. If he wants something to hold onto, he needs to reach out first.<br/><br/>When he looks over, Osamu is already looking back at him. <em>Breathe</em>. “What did you think of Elysium?”<br/><br/>Osamu purses his lips, uncertain, but he doesn’t turn away. “It’s nice. Lots of fruit trees.”<br/><br/>“You went to paradise and all you have to say is that it has nice trees.” Osamu snorts but doesn’t reply, and Rintarou senses the awkwardness creeping back over them. He won’t let this end here. “If you get tired of it, you can always come. In the boat, I mean.”<br/><br/>Osamu looks back at him, questioning, waiting.<br/><br/><em>No turning back</em>. No, never again.<br/><br/>“I’m sorry,” Rintarou says. “I’m trying.”<br/><br/>“I know,” Osamu replies.<br/><br/>It’s this moment, Rintarou thinks, that he will remember forever - Osamu’s eyes, his mouth, dancing gold and the faintest outline of a smile. The certain knowledge that if he reached out, he could touch him, or that Osamu might meet him halfway. A whisper, <em>listen</em>, and the reply, <em>I always am</em>.<br/><br/>Osamu taps his foot against Rintarou’s. That faint smile is gone from his lips but not his eyes. “I’m sorry too, by the way. Especially ‘cause ya had to meet Tsumu.”<br/><br/>“Mm, I don’t know if I can forgive you for that,” Rintarou says and Osamu grins, expressing perhaps everything unspoken; of making mistakes and learning and trying just for the sake of it. He looks up into the darkness. “At least he isn’t my problem. Sorry Aran, thank you for your sacrifice.”<br/><br/>“It’s probably for the best. Not sure you’d last two months without attackin’ him. Gin would definitely drown him.”<br/><br/>Rintarou stares at him. “You know Gin?”<br/><br/>“I did my research before I came down here,” Osamu says. “Rintarou,” he adds pointedly.<br/><br/>Rintarou feels like he’s teetering dangerously on some sort of precipice but for the moment, he isn’t afraid. “Alright then, <em>Osamu</em>. Shall we go?”<br/><br/></p>
<hr/>
<p><br/><br/>The first thing he learns from this new arrangement is that Osamu is surprisingly tactile. The second thing he learns is that he is too.<br/><br/>It starts off small, with the jostling of shoulders and bumping of elbows. Sometimes they’ll pick up a particularly bizarre character and Osamu will duck behind Rintarou, clutching his shoulder to try and hold in his laughter. They play footsie in the boat. Osamu tries to drag his fingers through the river and Rintarou swats him. It’s simple.<br/><br/>He doesn’t remember when it became this: slow boat rides with Rintarou lying back and resting his legs on Osamu’s, whose spectacular effort to row without him results in their boat running around in circles. Unspoken trust. Osamu leaning against him as they patrol up and down the river. Sometimes Osamu will lightly touch Rintarou’s waist to get his attention and it takes every ounce of self-control he has not to jump away.<br/><br/>The days when he used to row up and down these rivers alone seem so foreign now, when his only meaningful contact was with his fellow ferrymen and the occasional audience with Lord Kita. Of course, Osamu spends alternating days above and below but the days he’s trapped in the Underworld, he always spends with Rintarou.<br/><br/>It’s terrifying.<br/><br/>It’s exhilarating.<br/><br/>For someone who seems intent on becoming a permanent stay-in resident of Rintarou’s boat, Osamu appears to spend much of his time above travelling around. He brings back stories and trinkets and laughter that nestles itself into Rintarou’s chest long after the day is gone.<br/><br/>“It’s a diadem,” Osamu says of one such trinket, holding up the thin silken band. It is woven with intricate patterns and gems that, if the Underworld were brighter, would certainly be dazzling. “A queen used it to pay my oracle.”<br/><br/>“Since when do you have an oracle? Not sure you’re qualified to give advice,” Rintarou snorts. He holds out his hand and Osamu passes the diadem to him, smoothly assuming the oars in return. “This must be priceless. What did she ask for?”<br/><br/>“Mostly general prophecy, some afterlife stuff too. An’ I’ll have you know that my oracle is in high demand for knowledge of my Underworld journey.” As if to punctuate his point, Osamu kicks out a leg to tap Rintarou’s foot. Well, if he wants to play, then Rintarou will bring it.<br/><br/>“Rude. I’m the reason you two made it back out.” He goes to tap Osamu back, just barely missing as Osamu swings his leg out of the way. “I should get an oracle myself, cash in on this stuff.”<br/><br/>He exchanges the diadem back for the oars, taking advantage of Osamu’s distraction to smack his foot. Osamu says, “It doesn’t work that way. You live here, of course ya know how to get around. There’s nothin’ for ya to overcome.”<br/><br/>“Details details. I’m meeting with Lord Kita after this, I’m sure he’ll let me have one.”<br/><br/>“Kita?” Osamu makes a bold play and just goes for Rintarou’s leg at max speed, which does not pay off in any shape or form. “What for?”<br/><br/>“Beats me. Sometimes he just likes to check in. It’s disgustingly sweet.”<br/><br/>“Oh the woe, the misery of being under a god’s protection.”<br/><br/>Rintarou levels a look at him, shifting out of the way of another attack. “You know what I mean. I can’t let him down because he believes in me, and I don’t have the energy for that kind of wholesomeness right now.”<br/><br/>“You can start not letting him down by doin’ yer job and picking up that spirit over there,” Osamu says, pointing behind Rintarou.<br/><br/>He pointedly steers the entire boat around to look, making sure to keep Osamu within vision at all times. True to his word, the vague form of a spirit is drifting around in the bank.<br/><br/>Before he can change course, Osamu gestures for him to open his palm, which he immediately deposits the diadem into. “For luck,” he explains, gently closing Rintarou’s fingers over the silk. Every touch is like fire. His eyes are so very warm.<br/><br/>Rintarou feels like the air has turned to cotton.<br/><br/>“Oh and-“ He feels a gentle tap on the top of his foot. The corner of Osamu’s mouth is turned up. “Got you.”<br/><br/>One moment. One moment where Rintarou can see, with perfect clarity, his own golden reflection in Osamu’s eyes - every flaw, every endearment, every facet of himself laid bare and true. He takes a deep breath, squeezes Osamu’s hand-<br/><br/>-and then he pulls away. “Cheater,” he jokes, pulling every thread of himself together to keep his voice steady. “Distracting me like that.”<br/><br/>Osamu seems unbothered, pulling back and taking the oars as Rintarou ties the diadem around his wrist. It’s meant as a headpiece, so he has to loop it twice. “Like you didn’t do it first.”<br/><br/>They slide back into comfortable territory. It’s a relief. He wishes he didn’t feel so disappointed at the same time.<br/><br/></p>
<hr/>
<p><br/><br/>After he drops Osamu off at the entrance, Rintarou rows back to the far shore and docks his boat. He detaches the lantern from the head and clicks it onto the belt at his hip; the boat will not budge from land without it, a failsafe against would-be escapees.<br/><br/>It’s been a while since he last walked through the Underworld. He has the lantern, but the average person would scarcely see a thing in these gloomy, misty fields. Elysium is at least populated by its own sun and stars, but the Fields of Asphodel hold no such luxuries. It is no wonder that so many seek the word of oracles, or initiation into secret Mysteries.<br/><br/>He spots Lord Kita just off the path, tending carefully to some of the flowers. It’s been so long, he’d forgotten how overwhelming the sheer presence of a god was. He fiddles nervously with the diadem, which is still looped around his wrist. The gems catch the light of the lantern, golden and bright. Somehow, the anxiety abates a little.<br/><br/>“Lord Kita, you asked for me?”<br/><br/>Kita turns, straightening up to look at him properly. “Oh, Rintarou, yes. Thank you for coming.”<br/><br/>It feels strange to be thanked by a god wearing a floppy hat and gardening gloves, but he’s been getting used to overturning his expectations lately.<br/><br/>“At the next sunrise, Kiyoko and I will be leaving for Olympus,” Kita explains, pulling off his gloves and tucking them in his robe. “I’ve asked Aran to keep watch in the palace while we are away, so you’ll have to escort Atsumu for that day.”<br/><br/>“Of course, not a problem.”<br/><br/>“Okay.” Kita looks about ready to dismiss him before his gaze drops to Rintarou’s wrist. “Oh, how beautiful.”<br/><br/>Rintarou lifts his arm obligingly. “Oh, this? Thank you. It’s a good luck charm.”<br/><br/>He unties the diadem and holds it out. Kita takes it, one end in each hand as he observes it from different angles. “A gift?”<br/><br/>“Yes, from Osamu.”<br/><br/>“I see.” Kita smiles. “What a wonderful coincidence. Do you know that Kiyoko has blessed this?”<br/><br/>No, he most certainly does <em>not</em> know that. “Oh, she has?”<br/><br/>“Yes. It has many blessings on it, actually, for protection.” Kita taps on each of the gems. “I can sense the Sun and Earth in it, perhaps a water nymph as well. It looks like it was a wedding gift.”<br/><br/><em>A wedding gift?</em><br/><br/>“Perhaps it was passed down from some god to their mortal child. Somehow, it seems to have returned to our realm, where it belongs. The Fates work in mysterious ways.”<br/><br/>The god’s voice is serene as ever, but Rintarou feels like the bottom has just fallen out of his world. A wedding gift. <em>A wedding gift</em>. Surely Osamu hadn’t known. If he had, he wouldn’t have just given it to Rintarou like that, wouldn’t have pressed it, featherlight, into Rintarou’s palm and given him that ruinous half-smile.<br/><br/>It doesn’t mean anything. It can’t mean anything.<br/><br/>Kita takes Rintarou’s hand and presses the diadem back into it. His hand is unnaturally warm, just as Osamu’s had been, but there aren’t any butterflies. Somehow, this makes everything all the more terrifying.<br/><br/>“You better hold onto this then. And properly thank him for it.” Kita dusts his hands on his pants and starts tugging the gloves back on. “It’s important to be open about these things.”<br/><br/>“I’m more of a bury-and-ignore-it kind of person.”<br/><br/>Kita gives him a smile that makes him feel transparent. “Well, when you bury seeds, they tend to grow.”<br/><br/></p>
<hr/>
<p><br/><br/>Rintarou waits at the riverside for Atsumu to emerge from Elysium. It hadn’t really bothered him much before the twins, but he wishes it was easier to distinguish time in the Underworld. Now that he has things to look forward to, the murky dark is rather inconvenient and time seems to drag on and on.<br/><br/>Briefly, silently, he considers using one of his ‘favours’ with the charioteers to hurry these off-days along a little bit. The Sun is a no-go, Shouyou is way too nice for that, and Kei would probably just snort but he doesn’t know what kind of material Rintarou has on him.<br/><br/>The sound of footsteps shakes him out of his reverie. Atsumu emerges from the mist, takes one look at him and groans. “You?”<br/><br/>“Ugh.”<br/><br/>“Don’t you ‘ugh’ me, I’m the one that’s stuck with you!”<br/><br/>For all his grumbling, Atsumu boards the boat with little fuss and they push off from the shore.<br/><br/>“So where’s Aran?”<br/><br/>“In the palace. The King and Queen are out today.”<br/><br/>“Hm.” Osamu has told him about these unnerving, pensive silences that Atsumu often has, but he hasn’t believed it possible until now. “So I’ll probably see Samu when we swap over.”<br/><br/>“Yeah. You haven’t seen each other recently?”<br/><br/>Atsumu leans against the side, resting his head in one hand.<br/><br/>“Mm. Our timing isn’t always in sync. It’s probably been at least a week.” There’s a wistfulness in his voice that Rintarou isn’t quite prepared for. Before he can say anything though, Atsumu clears his throat and straightens up, an irritating smile on his lips. “Well, all the better for me.”<br/><br/>“You are unbelievable.”<br/><br/>Atsumu, like any mature adult, sticks his tongue out in return. Then, he seems to notice the diadem. “Did Samu give that to ya?”<br/><br/>“Yeah?”<br/><br/>“And what did ya say?”<br/><br/>“...thanks?”<br/><br/>To his surprise, Atsumu actually buries his face in his hands, dramatically shaking his head like the diva he is. “<em>Gods,</em> okay. Okay. All right.” He looks up, slapping his cheeks a few times to shake it off. “Okay.”<br/><br/>“Are you always this unhinged, or did seeing me actually break you?”<br/><br/>“Shut the fuck up, I was just surprised. Usually it’s people givin’ Samu stuff, not the other way round.”<br/><br/>“Because he has an oracle.”<br/><br/>“Not just that. He’s popular, unfortunately,” Atsumu says, hands locked casually behind his head. “Got humans and nymphs alike beggin’ for his favour. Don’t see it myself. My face is way better than his.”<br/><br/>Rintarou snorts.<br/><br/>“Point is, lots of folks love ‘im. I think you’re the only one he’s ever loved back.”<br/><br/>Rintarou jerks the oar so fast that the boat lurches, launching Atsumu a good half-metre forward and smashing his face against the bottom. He thinks Atsumu is complaining - there’s definitely a distinct <em>bastard</em> that floats up from the bottom - but it might as well be static for all he hears it.<br/><br/>That’s not a word that anyone should be using lightly. That’s not a word to just throw around. And yet.<br/><br/>“You,” Rintarou coughs, trying and failing to keep his tone calm, “he loves you.”<br/><br/>“Debatable,” Atsumu replies but he’s smiling while he says it because there’s no doubt, nowhere to hide from a love so deep it can conquer death. “An’ you know that’s not what I meant.”<br/><br/>“Well, still...”<br/><br/>“You can’t be serious,” Atsumu groans, dragging a hand down his face. “He gave you <em>that</em>, and you still don’t know? You’re not just pullin’ my leg?”<br/><br/>Perhaps, somewhere deep down, he does know. Something sits in the base of his throat, words begging to come alive, burning emotions drawn out with every word, every touch. A seed, planted on the first day he met a quiet immortal with golden eyes and love like an ocean, blooming far beyond his own heart - and somehow, he’s been blind to it. Or, he’s been blinding himself to it.<br/><br/><em>Love</em> feels too close to <em>forever</em>, and whatever he’s been trying, whatever he’s reconciled, that is still something he doesn’t think he can touch without getting burned.<br/><br/>Atsumu taps his foot to get his attention. He does it just like Osamu does. “I’m not tellin’ you this to be a jerk or whatever. I really thought you knew. Look.” He takes a long, deep breath. “I might leave someday. Be reborn. And I think Samu knows it too.”<br/><br/>“What?“<br/><br/>“I said <em>someday</em>, don’t look at me like I’m gonna dive straight into the Lethe right now. It’d be a long time away. But I probably will eventually.” He sighs. “And I don’t want Samu to get left behind when I do.”<br/><br/>Rintarou blinks. “That’s surprisingly sweet of you.”<br/><br/>Atsumu just frowns at him. “Well. He’s my brother.”<br/><br/>A love that can conquer death. He can see it shining through both of them, like two binary stars. </p>
<p>“It wouldn’t be goodbye,” Rintarou says, throat feeling dry. </p>
<p>“Course it wouldn’t, Samu has a sixth sense for annoying me,” Atsumu laughs. “He’ll find me. Like he found you.” </p>
<p>“You’re being too nice. It’s very unsettling.” </p>
<p>“Okay, you know what-“ </p>
<p>“Oh look at that, he’s right over there,” Rintarou interrupts, ignoring Atsumu’s indignant squawk as he diligently rows over. </p>
<p>Osamu is standing at the near shore, the exit to the mortal realm stretching up behind him. He waves as they approach, gaze fixed first on Atsumu before shifting over to Rintarou. </p>
<p>Somehow, meeting his eyes is easy - like every star has moved into place and he’s finally settled somewhere he belongs. A smile blooms on Osamu’s face, starting with the curve of his lips and moving up into his eyes. Rintarou feels his chest draw tight. He smiles back. Simple. </p>
<p>“Gods, you’re both so fuckin’ <em>gross</em>,” Atsumu chimes in tactfully, leaping out of the boat as soon as it brushes the shore. “I can’t do this, I’m outta here.” </p>
<p>He slaps Osamu on the back and rockets out of the cave mouth at a speed that could definitely win him a medal. Rintarou can’t help the laugh that escapes. “He’s very good at running away. Why’d he even bother with horse-racing?” </p>
<p>“Cause he’s an idiot,” Osamu says, still looking out where Atsumu had left. </p>
<p>Rintarou waits but Osamu doesn’t move from where’s he’s standing, gaze fixed on the exit. A tiny seed of doubt sprouts in his mind; he hasn’t thought about it recently, but there’s always at least some fear that perhaps Osamu regrets his decision. </p>
<p>They’ve come too far, shared too much, for Rintarou to be afraid of asking him now. “Osamu?” </p>
<p>A pause. </p>
<p>“Rin, would ya ever want to come see the surface?” </p>
<p>A laugh. “No guarantee I wouldn’t turn to dust the moment the sun hits me.” </p>
<p>“I’m serious.” Osamu finally tears his gaze away from the cavern, turning back to Rintarou. “Just to look. Wanna go?” </p>
<p>He should say no. What’s the point? There isn’t anything for him up there. <em>No turning back</em>, it’s the rule. </p>
<p>Osamu turned back. Osamu has crossed this boundary a thousand times over, flaunts the rules of life and death each and every day he is reborn. Osamu has built homes both above and below - one he shares with his brother, and then another, tucked securely into the deepest recesses of Rintarou’s heart. </p>
<p>There is only one answer he can give. </p>
<p>“Okay.” </p>
<p>“Okay,” Osamu repeats. His smile is damning. “I know the way. I won’t leave you behind.” </p>
<p><em>I could never lose sight of you,</em> Rintarou almost says. Instead, he says, “Lead the way.” </p>
<p>He takes the lantern and follows Osamu up into the cavern, watches the emerging sunlight cast a halo and throw his broad shoulders into relief. Every step upwards feels like it’s stripping away at him; if someone were walking behind him, perhaps his outline would appear to be disintegrating. He presses on regardless, eyes only on the ever-brightening figure before him. </p>
<p>Suddenly, Osamu stops, and it is obvious why. The cave mouth looks above them and beyond, endless rolling plains and the clouded, imperfect sky. At their feet, the boundary is clear - the wilderness stops abruptly just in front of them, forming a line that stretches right to the opposite sides of the cave entrance. </p>
<p>He doesn’t realise he’s faltered until Osamu steadies him, one arm around his back and the other holding his hand. “You okay?” </p>
<p>Rintarou takes a deep breath. It smells like grass. “Yeah. Sorry. It’s weird being this close to the boundary.” </p>
<p>After a couple more breaths, the pressure fades and he straightens up. Osamu doesn’t let go of his hand. </p>
<p>“Rin,” he says, quiet as the breeze. “That gift... you understood, didn’t you?” </p>
<p>Rintarou’s breath hitches. The diadem feels tight on his wrist. </p>
<p>
  <em>I think you’re the only one he’s ever loved back. </em>
</p>
<p>“I don’t like to jump to conclusions,” he admits. Beside him, Osamu stills and he starts to pull his hand away. Rintarou grabs it back, giving it a small squeeze. “I need facts. Evidence. So tell me, Osamu, so that I can’t possibly misunderstand. Please.” </p>
<p>He turns at the same time that Osamu does, finally facing each other. In the light, it feels like he’s seeing Osamu as he was meant to be seen for the first time. </p>
<p>Osamu looks down at the ground, and then back up. He takes Rintarou’s other hand. He breathes. He speaks. “It’s difficult. Love. But you make it easy for me to be brave.” </p>
<p>When he looks up, the sun catches on his eyes. He looks human. </p>
<p>“Osamu.” Rintarou shapes his name like a prayer. The hands he moves up to hold Osamu’s face feel unpracticed, hesitant, like he’s learning to touch all over again. Osamu closes his eyes, presses his cheek into Rintarou’s hand. He makes him braver too. </p>
<p>Their foreheads brush, eyes closed and they just breathe. </p>
<p>“I’ve never told ya this,” he hears Osamu say, breath tickling his nose, “but your hands are really, really cold.” </p>
<p>Rintarou lets out a surprised exhale that seems to bubble straight out of his chest, slumping out of position to bury his laughter in Osamu’s shoulder. The sunlight has made it even warmer. “I cannot believe you, right at that moment!” </p>
<p>“What? You wanted to kiss me?” Osamu wraps his arms around him. “We’ve got plenty of time for that later.” </p>
<p>Nothing is absolute, not even death. This is true. Forever is a long time. This is also true. </p>
<p>
  <em>No turning back. </em>
</p>
<p>“I’m really going to be stuck with you and all your weird twin antics, huh?” He jokes, because where else can he hide from someone so bright? “Just how many more times are you going to make me ferry you around?” </p>
<p>Osamu’s smile is warm. Forever is a long time, but today is a promise Rintarou wants to keep. “Always at least once more.” </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thanks for reading! </p>
<p>on twitter @ miphaas</p></blockquote></div></div>
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